150 Funny Christmas Wishes for Holiday Cards [2023]

1. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear… off-key.”
2. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Dr. Seuss
3. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” – Matt Groening
4. “One good thing about Christmas shopping—it toughens you for the January sales.”
5. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if it runs out, I’ll drink the red.”
6. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
7. “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.”
8. “I stopped believing in Santa when I got socks.”
9. “Christmas is when you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with gifts.”
10. “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: rain, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas lights.”

1. May your days be tipsy and bright!
2. Ho Ho… Oh, you were serious?
3. Credit card bills > Christmas spirit.
4. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way to the bank.
5. May your “Naughty” be nicer than your “Nice” this year.
6. Eggnog: because family.
7. May God bless you with lots of love, or at least lots of leftovers.
8. Santa called. You were on the naughty list, but he owes me a favor.
9. If you jingle my bells, I’ll promise you a white Christmas.
10. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!

1. To my dearest friend, may your Christmas be as jolly as Santa after three cups of egg nog!
2. Happy Christmas, buddy! May your holiday be as fabulous as the Christmas tree lights and as chaotic as your close family.
3. The greatest gift you can give me this Christmas is not tagging me in embarrassing holiday photos.
4. Let’s be honest, the true meaning of Xmas is having an excuse to eat cookies all day.
5. May your Christmas be filled with laughter, your egg nog spiked, and your gifts returnable.
6. Wishing you a jolly holiday season filled with magic, or at least some good luck at avoiding awkward family conversations.
7. Santa Clause is coming to town, and he told me you’ve been a good friend all year. But let’s keep the coal just in case.
8. To a dear friend, may your Christmas be brighter than your holiday Instagram feed.
9. This Christmas, may you receive everything on your wish list, and may it also be less expensive.
10. Winston Churchill once said, “Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection.” Reflect on this: why are we friends again?

1. This Christmas, may you receive the greatest gift of all: a fat wallet and a skinny body. And may you not mix them up like last year.
2. To my best friend, the only person who knows which skeletons are in my Christmas closet—literally.
3. May the warm wishes of the season bring you much love and a less expensive electricity bill.
4. Christmas time is here, bringing good cheer—and by “good cheer,” I mean “awkward family dinners.”
5. Best wishes for a holiday season filled with much love, happiness, and a tiny little bit of craziness.
6. Here’s to hoping Santa leaves you something better than coal this year. Or at least something flammable.
7. Let’s rock around the Christmas tree—and by “rock,” I mean “stand awkwardly with drinks.”
8. Santa saw your Instagram. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
9. Happy holiday season, BFF! May your ‘happy birthday Jesus’ cake not end up on Instagram and go viral for all the wrong reasons.
10. To my bestie, you make even the most glorious messes feel like a warm Christmas hug.

1. This Christmas, let’s try to keep the arguing to a minimum so we can focus on eating.
2. May your holiday season be merry, bright, and not require any assembly.
3. To my closest family, your presence is the best Christmas present I could ask for. But cash works too.
4. I hope your Christmas is as wonderful as you make it look on Facebook.
5. Sending you warm wishes and the hope that someone else does the dishes this year.
6. May the good cheer last throughout the coming year—or at least until we all have to go back to work.
7. Wishing you a Christmas that’s merry and bright. May the Christmas tree lights be the only thing brighter than Grandma’s sweater.
8. May Santa bring you everything you want this year, as long as it fits within the family budget.
9. Dear family, may your Christmas be at least half as wonderful as you make it sound in the annual holiday letter.
10. Merry Christmas, everyone! Let’s eat, drink, and be merry—or at least two out of the three.

1. To my husband: May your Christmas be as warm and cozy as the socks you always leave on the living room floor.
2. Merry Christmas! May Santa bring you all the tools you’ll never use but insist you need.
3. This year, I got you a gift as special as you are: a “Get Out of Chores Free” card. Use it wisely.
4. Wishing you a holiday filled with good cheer, good luck, and good food. In other words, please don’t cook this year.
5. To the man who lights up my life more than any Christmas tree, may your day be merry and slightly less clumsy.
6. Let’s make this Christmas magical: you handle the lights, and I’ll handle the credit card bills.
7. Best wishes for a holiday season that’s as low-maintenance as you are.
8. This Christmas, may your day be merry and your Netflix queue long.
9. Merry Christmas, husband! May your day be full of relaxation, your glass full of eggnog, and your phone free of work emails.
10. I wished for the perfect Christmas, and I got you. Just kidding, I got wine.

1. Merry Christmas to our daughter, who makes the family look sane in holiday photos.
2. May your holiday season be as delightful as your teenage mood swings.
3. Wishing you love, joy, and WiFi that works even when the relatives clog up the network.
4. To my wonderful daughter: May your Christmas be as perfect as the selfies you post. 
5. This year, Santa called to say you were on both the naughty and nice list. Well done!
6. Wishing you a jolly Christmas filled with good luck in explaining to Grandma what you do for a living.
7. May you find a man under the tree this year—or at least a gift receipt.
8. Your presence is the best gift we could receive—just kidding, we kept the receipt.
9. This Christmas, may you receive all the makeup palettes in the world. But remember, natural beauty is free.
10. Merry Christmas! Just a reminder: I still want grandkids.

1. Son, may your holiday be as lazy as your teenage years.
2. Merry Christmas! This year, we’re gifting you a magical experience: doing your own laundry.
3. Wishing you a happy holiday season, free from Mom’s nagging and Dad’s bad jokes.
4. To our tech-savvy son: May your Christmas be glitch-free.
5. This year, may Santa bring you maturity. Just kidding, that’s not how it works.
6. Hope your Christmas is lit—just like you insisted our house should be for the holiday season.
7. May your Christmas be filled with peace, love, and no family tech support tasks.
8. Son, you light up our lives more than any Christmas tree—except you cost more and require more maintenance.
9. For Christmas, we were going to get you a gift as awesome as you, but they were all sold out.
10. This Christmas, let’s make a deal: I’ll handle the Christmas dinner, you handle moving out next year.

1. To my wife: May your Christmas be as happy and beautiful as you make our home.
2. This year, I promise to be better than Santa. I won’t forget what you want and I’ll actually be on time.
3. For Christmas, I got you something money can’t buy: a day without me complaining.
4. Merry Christmas! This year, I’m giving you the gift of taking down the Christmas lights before February.
5. You’re the reason I feel jolly every day—well, you and the eggnog.
6. This holiday season, I wish you love, joy, and endless credit card bills—for shopping, of course!
7. Best wishes for a holiday season filled with peace, love, and a really good vacuum cleaner.
8. Merry Christmas to the woman who makes every day feel like a holiday.
9. I couldn’t ask for a better wife. But this Christmas, I’m going to ask Santa anyway.
10. Just a note to say I love you and I’m so glad we’re spending another Christmas being each other’s greatest gift.

1. Merry Christmas! May your day be filled with joy, laughter, and an endless supply of snacks because you’re always hungry.
2. Wishing you a Christmas that’s as awesome as your video game skills.
3. Babe, you light up my life more than any Christmas tree. Just please, don’t make me decorate it alone this year.
4. This Christmas, I promise not to laugh when you fail miserably at wrapping gifts.
5. May your holiday be filled with love, cheer, and fewer awkward moments with my family.
6. To my human blanket, may we spend Christmas warm, cuddled, and slightly less broke than last year.
7. I hope Santa brings you everything you want this year because my gift card ran out.
8. May your Christmas be filled with as much joy as you get from watching sports all weekend.
9. Merry Christmas to the guy who stole my heart and my favorite hoodie.
10. Wishing you peace, love, and a lifetime supply of your favorite beer.

1. May your holiday season be filled with peace, joy, and relatives you can tolerate.
2. Ho Ho Hope you survive the Christmas dinner without a food coma.
3. Wishing you a Merry Christmas that’s more fun than a passive-aggressive family dinner.
4. Merry Christmas! May you receive many gifts—and some of them useful.
5. This year, may your family be functional and all your batteries be included.
6. Here’s to a holiday season free from the three dreaded G’s: Grinch, gluten, and gym memberships.
7. Seasons Greetings! May your holidays be as lovely as your Pinterest board.
8. Merry Christmas! Let’s eat, drink, and be merry—or at least two out of the three.
9. Wishing you holiday magic. And by magic, I mean naps.
10. Happy Holidays! May you be more successful at keeping your resolutions than keeping track of your belongings.

1. May your holidays be as joyful as our coffee breaks and as endless as our meetings.
2. Wishing you a holiday season devoid of office politics and full of good cheer.
3. Merry Christmas! Here’s to not having to work and still getting paid.
4. May your holiday be filled with warmth, happiness, and a printer that actually works.
5. To my favorite coworker, may your Christmas be less chaotic than a Monday morning meeting.
6. Wishing you a drama-free holiday season from our cubicle to yours.
7. May your Christmas be more exciting than any team-building exercise.
8. May your holiday season be as pleasant as our boss on a good day.
9. Wishing you a stress-free holiday, but let’s keep our expectations realistic.
10. May your holidays be filled with fewer emails and more cookies.

1. May your Christmas be as lit as Rudolph’s nose!
2. Merry Xmas! You know you’re old when Santa starts looking younger.
3. Wishing you a white Christmas, but if you run out, red wine works too.
4. Ho Ho How did we get so lucky to be stuck together for another holiday season?
5. Wishing you joy, cheer, and a bathroom scale that lies.
6. May your Christmas be as basic as a pumpkin spice latte.
7. Don’t worry, be happy. Santa has to make the rounds, you only have to survive dinner.
8. Merry Christmas! Remember, calories don’t count today.
9. The tree is lit, the cookies are baked, now if only we could finish that puzzle from last Christmas.
10. Happy Holidays! May you get through them without a single “When are you getting married?” question.

1. “Merry Glitchmas! May your holiday be as unpredictable and fun as a computer glitch!”
2. “Yule Regret Missing This Christmas Bash! Have a fantastically quirky holiday season.”
3. “Have an Abominably Snowy Christmas! Wishing you fun with your own personal Yeti.”
4. “May Your Reindeer Games Be Ever in Your Favor! Enjoy the competitive spirit of the holiday season.”
5. “A Very Hairy Christmas to You! Sending you warm wishes and good hair days.”
6. “Sleigh My Name, Sleigh My Name! Wishing you a Christmas as fabulous as you are.”
7. May Your Holiday Be as Lit as a Christmas Tree on Fire! But, you know, safely.”
8. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like… I Need Another Drink! Cheers to a stress-free holiday.”
9. “Happy Christmahanakwanzika! Celebrating all the holidays, just for you!”
10. “It’s the Most Overrated Time of the Year! Enjoy it anyway!”

So there you have it—a treasure trove of hilarious Christmas wishes that are sure to bring smiles and belly laughs this holiday season. Gone are the days of stressful holiday card writing; with these funny phrases in your arsenal, you’re all set to spread the cheer in a way that’s uniquely you. Happy holidays, and may your cards be as merry and memorable as the season itself!

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